not the below one.
its an holiday.
aimless holiday.
a holiday…….. not very well spend.
and this is the holiday that i have been wishing for. perhaps deep down i know i need this holiday to awaken up, to confess up, to think, to make decision, to…………. consolidate.
so what is life. life is merry and joy.
i am now like the joy drained out of joy.
“Drained”
yes drained. dunno whats with me these days. or this 2 years. dunno whats wrong. just.. so wrong.
Soon reaching 20, i cant be so aimless iszit it.
i am always a over-achiever at heart. but now the over-achiever is feeling very much down and under-achieve. this is the feeling i got. and i dunno where to restart.
so careless and stupid of me.
so caution and picky of me.
yet,
an under achiever. so this is how i feel as i type along on my very first entry.
money, fame, success, looks.
why does we desire all these. because it makes you who you are.
and it makes me who i am.
I never believe in discrimination till the age of 19. Now that i do, it feels very more sucky. Because it means i am in the rat race for all these desires i desire. Is your peers overtaking you? Is your close friends achieving more then you? Is your friends earning more then you. This all starts to matters.
Put back all the naive thoughts and starts to play wild in the rat race.
because you only lives once.
there was this once, i enter this shop at far east plaza, alone.
the busy salegirl was attending to herself, checking herself out in the mirror.
i saw this bag, and i ask her how much it is.
she said $39.
i hold on to the bag for maybe 30s and check out how it look on me in the mirror.
another group of ladies executives walk in and ask about the same bag, but diff colors.
and when they ask for another color of the same bag, which is the one im holdin on,
the salesman promptly stared at me and i pass her back the bag.
i will never forget the way she took away the bag from my hand and pass it to those group of ladies executives.
thats discriminating.
from that on, i started believing what the tv dramas and aunties always say,
“study hard and get rich.”
this is happening all around the world. all on the mother earth. no where to hide, just follow.
how many of us really can get our desire job.
not much.
how many of us really wanna be our own boss.
all of us.
=)
before i graduated, i need to work out where am i going and start preparing for it.
if not, i will really be getting a sucky job outside which pays like 1200$ a month?
moneymoney.
the cause of all problems.
alright,
time to check out 4Ds numbers for tonight.
maybe soon i will be a millionaire?
and all these concerns will not bother me anymore.
=)
